If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
