i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
