he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
