Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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