drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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