I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
