The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
