If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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