so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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