Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
