Umm I'm too high to move.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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