Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
