pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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