So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
