It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
COCAINE IS GR8
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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