do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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