He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
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Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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