my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize