My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
