you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
