sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
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An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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