Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
