Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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