hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
