No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize