I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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