I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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