life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?