He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
