The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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