morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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