McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts