So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
