Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
