i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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