It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
