the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
