Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
