I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I looked at my own cervix.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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