used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
