If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
