I hate all girls vehemently.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I skipped work to stalk him.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
