I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just high enough for therapy.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
