so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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