I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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