I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
