Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
