I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
