he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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