When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
