I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
