I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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