Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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