I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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