He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
