I am in a vortex of obligation.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
