NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
