so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
