You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
