Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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