I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
be right there i have to get my cape
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
