i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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