Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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