dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
