Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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