Too much gin, very little bucket
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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