Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
