I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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