we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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