He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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