I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
