I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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