And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
...so i touched it.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
