The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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