A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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