The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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