sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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