it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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