That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
