I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
