you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
