gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
