im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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