brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
