I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
