i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
