I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
