That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
