Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
