someone get that fucking seahorse.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
