its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
